With a house full of children, I’d be lying to you if I told you that it’s always been easy for me to be intimate with Mike… or, even in the mood.
I can’t tell you how many times I planned and prepared for some crazy good lovin’ with my Beloved, only to have a child get sick and puke… all night, or get a knock at the bedroom door followed by a little voice saying, “Mommy… I had a bad dream.”
And even some of my best intentions for a night of passion have gone sour after a long day of homeschooling kiddos, and playing referee, coach, counselor, cheerleader, cook, laundress, maid, and teacher (not to mention the seasons I had the literal life sucked out of me while nursing babies)!
Regardless of whether you work inside, or outside of your home), after a day full of distractions and difficulties, let’s face it… feeling sexy isn’t always easy. And, I know how rocking the baby to sleep (and yourself) can start sounding better than rockin’ your husband’s world too! But no matter what season your marriage is in, the truth is…
Sex needs to be a priority in our marriage.
THE BEST INTENTION
The world has gotten sex confused with what it was intended for… it was never meant to be gross, dirty, hurtful, lucrative, enslaving, embarrassing, or a bargaining tool to be taken away from a husband if a wife doesn’t get her way. What we as a society have allowed sex to become has stripped away it’s true purpose and meaning. Sex was God’s design… and His intention was for it to be good in every way on every level in heart, mind, body and soul
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” 1 Corinthians 6:16-20
Sex was designed to create a “oneness” between two people who have made a covenant with one another to remain regardless. As a wife, you are allowed to be a part of the inner most workings and desires of your husband, and show him love in a way no one else can. Your husband may not always speak the same language as you (or as many words!), but love-making is where you can both express yourselves in ways neither of you can with anyone else.
There are so many lies people have bought into about sex that we don’t really know that the truth is anymore. Parents have stopped fighting to protect their children’s’ bodies because “it’s just what kids do”… single men and women look at sex as a means for instant gratification with revolving partners and no life-long consequences… even married couples allow their schedules, children, careers, and the internet dictate their level and quality of intimacy with their spouse.
JUST DO IT!
Sex is beneficial to your marriage… regardless of who is wanting it at the moment. Don’t allow the enemy take ground in this area of your marriage. Don’t get sidetracked or become complacent when it comes to sex. Don’t let your size or shape or age or past detour you from something so vital to your relationship. A woman is never more sexy than when she believes she is.
Embrace YOUR beautiful and allow your husband to love you. Ask God to help you allow intimacy into your marriage and be all He created it to be. Don’t let days pass. Create intentional time together to connect emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically with each other!
On a scale of 1 to 5… how would you rate your sex life? Ask your husband how he would rate it as well. Share with your husband your desire to honor God in this area of your marriage and connect with him… literally!
time to connect…
- For the next 7 days, have sex EVERY DAY at least once. (If you’re doing The 12 Days of Christmas… that’s every day for 12 days!) Make a plan for some special nights (or days) and don’t allow bad weather, bad attitudes (yours or the kids’) get in the way. Don’t allow the pain of the past or the problems of the present ruin this crucial part of your marriage. Turn up the heat in your marriage with some Crazy Good Lovin’!
- Spice up your bedroom. Is it a place that stimulates passion and love-making? If not, do what it takes to make it be! Spend time decluttering and clean your room, wash your bedding, add candles, fix the lock on the door (or get one!) and have a playlist of romantic songs ready for the evening before falling asleep.
- Invest in your marriage… literally. Don’t allow money detour you. Start a Crazy Good Lovin’ Jar and begin saving to make your bedroom a place where the two of you can escape together and your marriage full of fun and romantic gestures.
ONE MORE THING…
While many men have an actual physical need for sex, there are some who don’t have a strong desire to be fulfilled in this area… which may leave a wife feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. If this is your husband, pray for your husband to understand the importance intimacy has in a marriage for BOTH of you. You might also want to try these few things:
- Ask him what makes him feel loved. Have him write it down for you, or have him tell you and then you write it down so you will be able to start doing those things. It’s possible that things in this area will get better if there are other areas that are filled.
- Ask him daily what you can do to help him. Maybe there’s something you could do to make things easier for him or relieve some burden he’s been carrying.
- Ask him each morning and night what you can pray for him. Whether he’s a Christ follower or not, you can let him know that you are putting his needs and concerns as a priority to you and taking it to the One you believe can help.
I never want to be a wife that withholds anything from my husband. I understand the importance of intimacy in a marriage, and I pray to always be a willing participant when it comes to our love-making.
May our bedroom always be a place of vulnerability, intimacy, and trust… and may our love-making be a way for us to escape together. Help us to make this one of the top priorities in our marriage always, and may it never grow dull or boring.
Where there has been bitterness, hurt, or doubt in the past, I pray for You to bring healing. May the troubles of the world, problems from the past, issues from our families, interruptions from our children, or deadlines from our jobs NEVER prevent us from having sex. Protect us from apathy, disappointment, criticism, busyness, unforgiveness, deadness, or disinterest.
I pray that we would be responsive to each others sexual needs, desire each other passionately, and always look at sex as the gift you have made it to be. May sex bring true joy and fulfillment to each of our lives for the rest of our lives. In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.
YOUR NEXT STEP… When Your Husband’s Fighting a Battle