As a momma of eleven children, I’d be lying to you if I told you that it’s always easy for me to be intimate with Mike… or even in the mood. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve planned and prepared for some crazy, amazing lovin’ with my Beloved only to have a child puke… aaaaaaaallllllllll night… (and let’s not forget the ‘deal-breaking’ knock at the door followed with, “…Mommy?… I had a bad dream…”)!

With a house full of children, some of my best intentions have gone sour after a long day of playing referee, coach, counselor, chef, laundress, maid, and teacher. Let’s just say, in the early years of motherhood and homeschooling, my husband had no idea how much energy and self-discipline it took to just keep his children alive (let’s face it, sometimes making PBJ can feel like moving a mountain when you have littles).

After a day full of distractions and difficulties (regardless of whether you work inside or outside of your home), feeling sexy isn’t always easy… and rocking the baby to sleep (and yourself) can start soundin’ better (and easier) than rockin’ your husband’s world… but te truth is, sex needs to be a priority in our marriage.

THE BEST INTENTION

The world has gotten sex confused with what sex was intended for; it was never meant to be gross, dirty, hurtful, lucrative, enslaving, embarrassing, or a bargaining tool to be taken away from a husband if a wife doesn’t get her way. What we as a society have allowed sex to become has stripped away it’s true purpose and meaning; sex was God’s design, and His intention was for it to be good in every way on every level in heart, mind, body and soul:

There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” 1 Corinthians 6:16-20

Sex was designed to create a ‘oneness’ between two people who have made a covenant with one another to remain regardless. As a wife, you are granted access to the inner most workings and desires of your husband, including the gift of loving him in a way no one else can. Your husband may not always speak the same language as you (or use as many words!), but love-making is where BOTH of you can express yourselves in ways you simply can’t with anyone else.

Sex allows a husband and wife to be vulnerable to each other in a way nothing else can.

There are so many lies we’ve bought into about sex that people don’t really know that the truth is anymore. Parents have stopped fighting to protect their children’s’ bodies because “it’s just what kids do”… single men and women look at sex as a means for instant gratification with revolving partners and no life-long consequences… and even married couples allow their schedules, children, careers, and the internet dictate their level and quality of intimacy with their spouse on a daily basis.

JUST DO IT!

Sex is beneficial to our marriage, and we get to decide whether we allow ourselves that blessing or not. We don’t have to give the enemy ground in this area of our marriage. We can resist his advances into our relationship and take back any area he’s already infiltrated. We can choose to be intentional in our marriage, refuse to become complacent when it comes to sex, and combat self-depreciating thoughts about our size or shape or age or past detour us from something so vital to our marriage relationship. Make no mistake about it; a woman is never more sexy than when she believes she is.

Embrace YOUR beautiful and allow your husband to love you. Ask God to help you allow intimacy into your marriage and be all He created it to be. Don’t let days pass; intentionally make time together to connect emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically with each other!

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CHALLENGE:

On a scale of 1 to 5… how would you rate your sex life today? Ask your husband how he would rate it as well. Share with your husband your desire to connect with him (literally) and have sex be all that God intends for your marriage! Refuse to allow the pain of the past or the problems of the present ruin this crucial part of your marriage and turn up the heat in your marriage with some crazy good lovin’ (aka SHMILY Times )!

time to connect…

• For the next 7 days, have sex EVERY DAY at least once. (If you’re doing The 12 Days of Christmas… that’s every day for 12 days!) Make a plan for some special nights (or days) and don’t allow bad weather, bad attitudes (yours or the kids) get in the way.

• Spice up your bedroom. Is it a place that stimulates passion and love-making? If not, do what it takes to make it be a place where the two of you can escape the world. Spend time decluttering and clean your room, wash your bedding, add candles, fix the lock on the door (or get one!) and have a playlist of romantic songs ready for the evening before falling asleep.

• Invest in your marriage… literally. Don’t allow money detour you. Start a SHMILY Jar and begin saving to make your bedroom a place where the two of you can find refuge in each other’s embrace and fill your marriage full of fun and romantic gestures.

ONE MORE THING…

While many men have an actual physical need for sex, there are some who don’t have a strong desire to be fulfilled in this area, which can leave a wife feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. If this is your husband, pray for your husband to understand the importance intimacy has in a marriage for BOTH of you. Without being pushy, here a few more ideas to try:

• Ask him what makes him feel loved. Have him write it down for you, or have him tell you and then you write it down so you’ll be able to be intentional ab out doing those things. It’s possible that things in the bedroom will get better if your hubby is feeling loved in areas he feels lacking or needing more attention.
• Ask him daily what you can do to help him. Maybe there’s something you could do to make things easier for him or relieve some burden he’s been carrying.
• Ask him each morning and night what you can pray for him. Whether he’s a Christ-follower or not, you can let him know that you are making his needs and concerns a priority and taking it to the One you believe can help.

HEY GOD…

I never want to be a wife that withholds anything from my husband. I understand the importance of intimacy in a marriage, and I pray to always be a willing participant when it comes to our love-making.

May our bedroom always be a place of vulnerability, intimacy, and trust. I want our love-making be a way for us to escape from the world together. Help us to make this one of the top priorities in our marriage always, and may it never grow dull or boring.

Where there has been bitterness, hurt, or doubt in the past, I pray for You to bring healing. May the troubles of the world, problems from the past, issues from our families, interruptions from our children, or deadlines from our jobs NEVER prevent us from having sex. Protect us from apathy, disappointment, criticism, busyness, unforgiveness, or disinterest.

I pray that we would be responsive to each others sexual needs, desire each other passionately, and always look at sex as the gift you have made it to be. May sex bring true joy and fulfillment to each of our lives for the rest of our lives. In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.

YOUR NEXT STEP… When Your Husband’s Fighting a Battle

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*This post is from the series, The Warrior Wife. If you’re just joining, please read How to Create a Great Marriage to begin your fight for a better marriage!